Grandparent Jokes

My grandson spends summers in California with me. I had gained quite a bit of weight after taking some medication since he had last seen me. One day, he was complaining because he hadn't had much exercise and had eaten a lot of ice cream. He said, "Oh, Grammy, my stomach hurt and it's so big, I'm gonna be like you!" Then, in his best sincere Jerry Seinfeld-like moment, he said, "Not that there's anything wrong with that."

Two little boys were visiting their grandfather, and he took them to a
restaurant for lunch. They couldn't make up their minds about what they
wanted to eat. Finally the grandfather grinned at the server and said,
"Just bring them bread and water."  One of the little boys looked up and
quavered, "Can I have ketchup on it?"

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."  The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in.  At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.

I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I
decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed  for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself."

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