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Exciting Events. Stories

Grandmother Bridges the Distance:

Here's a creative way for long-distance grandparents to bridge the distance.

Since my grandsons, age 6 and 3, live in Boston, and we live in New
Jersey, we cannot participate in many of the experiences of their daily
routines. A year ago Christmas I bought the popular childrens' classic, " The
Mouse and the Motorcycle," for my older grandson and began to read it to
him during the holiday when we were visiting. Since I could not finish
it during the time we were in Boston, I continued to read the book over
the phone when we returned home. Well, that was the beginning of a
wonderful nightly routine that has bridged the distance between us,
expanded his literary horizons and vocabulary, and best of all, created
a unique bond between us. After the initial chapter book was finished,
we went on to read the other two books in that "Ralph S. Mouse" series,
then went on to the E.B. White classics, "The Trumpet of the Swan,"
"Charlotte's Web," and " Stuart Little." Since that time, 16 months ago,
we have read dozens of chapter books and discussed them together each
night. Some of the books we have read are : "Mr. Popper's Penguins," "
Heidi," Charlie and the Chocolate Factor," "James and the Giant Peach,"
"Pollyanna," "The Wizard of Oz," "The Wind in the Willows," "Flat
Stanley," "The Voyages of Dr. Do little," "Henry and Ribsy," and all
nineteen of the original Boxcar Children mysteries. We are now stuck in
the new Boxcar mysteries because Andrew loves them so much he won't
allow me to consider any other genre right now. I would like to begin
biographies next, but for now the gentle Boxcar mystery stories allow
for some excited discussions and problem solving. We have also just begun
"The Littles," about tiny people, no bigger than a pencil, who live in the 
walls of a house. 

Sometimes I am put on speaker phone and little brother and Mom participate in the exchange which accompanies the reading of each book. I am very selective about
the books I choose, making sure that they are imaginative, well written,
and uplifting for a young child. As for the phone bill -- I negotiated
for the lowest possible long distance rate and Andrew and I take turns
calling each other. What price can be placed on the relationship
between grandparents and their grandchildren? It is worth much more
than a phone bill.

The author is  a retired librarian and wrote "I do not mind if grandparents wish to contact me for advice on recommended reading. It is important to be selective and safeguard little minds while also stimulating them with good literature" 
If you wish to contact the author  email your request to us and we will forward it on. 

Grandparents In Europe: Two stories by Dr. Kornhaber

Story 1- Staying Home. Stepje in Croatia

Imagine what it would be like to have parents, grandparents, great-grandparents and great-great grandparents with different nationalities! Imagine that each succeeding generation was raised in a different culture and had to speak different languages. And, imagine this all happened to people without them ever moving from the village of their birth! This is what most grandchildren on Croatia experience today; like Stepje, a 15 year-old cheerful and gregarious youngster

Of course having ancestors that come from different countries is nothing unusual for most Americans. Most of us have ancestors that lived in different cultures and spoke different languages. They came to America as immigrants, most to flee adverse living conditions in their native lands. These immigrants brought some of their culture with them. But eager to become "Americans," gave up the old ways and encouraged their children to learn the ways of their new land. This meant their children should give up the old language and to speak only English.

Stepje’s situation is different because conditions in Croatia today are so "topsy-turvy" when compared with the American experience. Because of a history of centuries-old wars and invasions different cultures established themselves in Stepje’s. country In contrast the American experience, the cultures changed but the people stayed in place.

Today, Stepje and his countrymen are happy that Croatia received it’s independence from Yugoslavia in 1992. But before Croatia became a free republic, his country was occupied by France (Napoleon), Austria, Germany, Russia, and Serbia (to name a few) if we only count the past two centuries,.

As a result Stepje has a rich and very diverse family background. Although much of his family’s relics and possessions were destroyed during the wars. Stepje has had heirlooms passed on to him. Stepje wears his great-grandfather’s traditional red cap made of Turkish felt. At ceremonies he sports his great-grandfather’s medals from the first world war as well as ancestors medals from the Napoleonic wars. He prays with his great-great grandmother’s rosary beads from Austria. At traditional ceremonies he wears the same garments his grandfathers wore before him. His ceremonial garments were newly created by a 90 year old neighbor who still knows the "old ways" of embroidiery. His family has given him diaries from generations of ancestors written in different languages that he cannot understand. He is to pass these on to his children.

Stepje’s ancestors.teach him how to survive. "My grandfather told me," he smiled "that his grandfather told him to never forget that our country is always invaded by others and we were too small to fight the big countries so we had to be smart to survive." He stopped for a minute, searching for the words in English, then continued. " Grandfather told me that we have to keep our life and our religion and speak Croatian all the time. The Germans wanted him to speak German and not to go to church. So when invaders come we have to make believe we are going to do things their way. So we have two ways to do things, their way and our way at the same time. So grandfather spoke Germans with the Germans and had church at home. He did that until he joined the partisans and fought them. He said now the Serbians may come again and we may have to fight them again. What he wants me to see about is that our own way of doing things never dies and I can teach them to my children when the next war comes and I may have to fight the Serbians."

Stepje’s grandfather, who was listening to the conversation, walked into the room. A winemaker by trade, he is a large man, with broad shoulders and a large girth. He smiled at Stepje through his ample grey beard. With deep conviction and determination he looked into Stepje’s eyes and spoke slowly, nodding his head in tempo with his words. "Stpeje is very smart. Our land is what is important. Our grape vines are how we make our living. From way back our family has made their living on this land. There are Roman ruins on our property but this land is ours. Our wine is well known all over our country. Our wine is US. Our land is US. That’s why we stay in the same place. We know when invaders come that some day they will go home and leave us. We do not leave our land. We don’t like people who leave our country. They are traitors. If they leave, we don’t want them back. We live, we fight, and we die here."

Stepje looked solemnly at his grandfather "Me too,"

Story 2- Mila’s Chapel: Grandparents and Tradition:

This was a wonderful day! This lovely Sunday afternoon in the little hamlet of Blinipi, near Dubrovnick, in lower Croatia, where Mila Pleznetsky realized her dream.

Mila was about to have her new chapel consecrated. She had invited everyone she knew to share this special day. Now her friends and relatives were arriving. They were filing through the stone entryway of her new home and beginning to mill about on the grassy courtyard surrounded by the high stone walls Mila had built to keep her safe. And today Father Stephan would consecrate Mila’s own chapel, only steps away from her newly built home. The dream house Mila designed herself. First, removing the rubble containing the remains of her former home, completely destroyed by the Serbian army. Then the starting over. Making her dream come true.

Today, where there was disaster now stands a proud house, with a chapel at it’s side. It’s beige colored walls made of carefully placed stone blocks are designed in a traditional Croatian pattern. Red geraniums pour from the window boxes that sit on the sills of the limestone bordered windows. Eagles and lions and other animals carved from stone adorn the cornices. A red tiled roof swoops over the house, here and there, extending beyond it’s confines to cover the walkways and terraces. Stone carving of Saints are everywhere. The house stands plumb in the center of a lawn covered expanse containing lovely gardens. All enclosed by a ten foot high stone wall.

As she greeted her relatives and friends with eyes filled, Mila was hard put to repress the many emotions she was feeling. "Control, control," she thought. She had decided, like so many Croatians today, to bury the past. To keep her turbulent thoughts and feelings about the past war, and her losses and losses and losses, all in the past. Losses of home, of loved ones, of pride, of country.

Today was a day to forget the past and to look ahead, to the future. To think about the future. "My friends think this is for me" she smiled to herself. "But this is for Petra. She is ready" It was time to give Petra, her nine year old granddaughter, the solid center, that "inside " as her grandmother said, "that women need to keep going." Mila’s grandmother had taught her early in her life that her country was not her own. That invaders come and go. Her grandmother had seen the Austrians, the Hungarians, and the Germans come and go. Her grandmother had seen her country become Yugoslavia, and Mila herself had seen Yugoslavia come apart. "Your homeland is in you," her grandmother said to her. "Your world, your church, your land is inside where no one can take it away from you."

Mila knew the "inside" saved her sanity because, like her grandmother, the "outside" in her life kept exploding and changing. First when the Germans invaded her town and took her grandfather away, then the Russians came and everyone chose sides and fought among themselves, and then that morning at 3 A.M when the a Serbian artillery shell blew the roof off her house killing her husband and her oldest son.

But that was the past. Mila looked around at her dream come true. Her reverie was interrupted by a flash of green light. Some guests covered their eyes. The sun had suddenly emerged from behind a cloud and brightly illuminated the festively laid tables decorating the property. Flashes of green light reflecting the sun’s rays bounced from the bottles of champagne rising up vertically from the tables through the beautifully arranged meats, different types of bread, local delicacies and cheese.

"A sign," Mila sighed. "Maybe, it’s over."

"Yes, but just in case." Mila thought,. She looked at Petra standing between Father Stephen and Anton. Anton was having trouble holding a large ceremonial candle in an upright position. Petra, resplendent in her native folk costume, was shifting from one foot to another with her head bowed slightly. She wore a white dress, colorfully embroidered with red and black designs. She had a little red cap perched on her head. She often glanced up at Mila and smiled self-consciously, aware that the admiring eyes of many adults were upon her, some were even taking her picture. A perfectionist, Petra was concerned about making a mistake. As soon as the benediction service started her job was to sound the bell at very specific moments while Father Stephan was reading the service and giving his blessings. Although she had successfully practiced being perfectly on time for a week (in fact she had practically memorized everything Father Stephan was going to read) she was still worried. Taking a break from her obsessing she glanced sideways at her grandmother.

Mila smiled and winked, she knew Petra was worried. Petra always felt good when her grandmother smiled at her. They locked eyes. "Yes," Mila thought, "yes, it is my work to teach Petra about the inside." Petra watched as Mila walked up to her chapel. Mila spoke to Petra silently. "And this is a big part of it. Our church, our friends, our family chapel that you will have one day. This is my home and I will give to you. And the church too. I will give you tradition. Tradition is what is inside. And no one can take that away from you." She turned to Petra and nodded. Petra knew in her heart.

Father Stephan nodded to Mila. Mila called the immediate family together. Mila, Petra’s parents and Mila’s mother placed themselves behind Father Stephan, Petra and Anton. Other relatives lined up behind them. The procession was formed.

Father Stephan nodded, Petra smiled, and turned to back to look at Mila.

Mila pulled herself tall. She looked at Petra and nodded.

Petra pulled herself tall and rang the bell.

Grandparent News!

Overseas Dispatch!   England's GRANDPARENTS' FEDERATION needs U.S. supporters.    Click here for report.

NBC Today Show Topics

From time to time Dr. Kornhaber appears on the NBC Today show discussing a relevant and interesting topic related to grandparenting. Following are some recent topics.

Good Grandparenting
A National Law Supporting Grandparent Visitation: The Visitation Rights Enforcement Act was signed into law by President Clinton  11/12/98. This law guarantees that grandparents can visit their grandchildren anywhere in the United States, as long as any state  court has provided for the visitation.

Advice and Response: Family Forum

Have your say!  Give your opinion!  Parents Who Are Opponents Of Grandparent's Rights Speak Out! Grandparents respond. And more. Join this discussion!     click here for report

New Grandparents!

Do you want the world to know about your new-born grandchild? E-Mail us with your name, the name of your grandchild and any comments. Include your return address too. We'll post your announcement on our "New Grandparents" page for everyone to see. Click here to meet newcomers!

Grandparent Jokes!
Got any good ones? Click here!

News and Notes
Share Your   Happy "Grandparent Moments" and Your Advice!

Let's use our wisdom, experience and perspective on life to share our happy experiences and to help others. Many parents and grandparents e-mail us asking for advice about perplexing issues.  Perhaps you have had similar experiences and can offer some help too.  We update this section frequently.    Letters are edited to ensure anonymity. Click here for more.

Books!

Grandparent Power (Crown) $12.00

Grandparent Power  applies the results of more than twenty years of research to the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren (and parents too!). This easy to read book is full of practical advice to help grandparents understand the importance of their   identity, their roles, joys and responsibilities. The book addresses many   situations that grandparents face today: establishing a grandparent identity, being an effective grandparent, understanding the diverse roles of grandparents. Also included are up-to-date chapters on dealing with family problems, long-distance grandparenting, grandparent visitation laws, raising grandchildren, and much more. To order call Crown at 1-800-733-3000.

See also Contemporary Grandparenting (Sage Press) by Dr. Kornhaber. Click on Books.

New Books!--"The Nanas and the Papas,"  and for grandparent raising grandchildren: "To Grandma's House We...Stay" (Studio 4 Productions, Northridge, CA. $12.95), by Sally Houtman M.S. An excellent resource for grandparents raising their grandchildren. Click on "Books" on the Linkbar on the left for more. 

Question: How is grandparenting a teenager different from grandparenting a younger child? Please E-Mail Your Comments.