New Generations
Articles of importance written by grandchildren for their grandparent's edification.
On this page:
Articles:
"Grandparents, Are You With
It."
A grandfather
answers.
"How Grandparents Can Help In Divorce."
Grandchildren's Forum
A Moving Love Letter to a Grandpa from his granddaughter
Grandparents, Are You "With It?"
By Justin Goodman
Has your grandchild ever asked you if you were "with it?" Or if you are "HIP?" Do you even know what "HIP means? Well, "Hip," means what, in days past, grandparents used to define as "popular." And for teenagers today there is another term they use to define being "super-popular." That's being "Cool."
"Being seen as a "Cool" grandparent by your grandchild is a compliment because your grandchild won't think you're "out-of-it" and can bring you into, and share their world more easily.
On the other hand, as much as a grandparent may want to see their grandkids, the feeling may not be mutual because the grandparent may be "out of it." In other words not be on the level of "coolness" or "hipness" needed for the grandchild. Although the grandchild may love a grandparent very much it’s possible he/she won't seek out Grandma’s or Grandpa’s company as much without some common interests.
That's why it is so important that grandparents get "with it." Even when a grandparent and grandchild have few common daily life interests they always have love and commitment in common. Sometimes, when the generations are far apart, a grandparent may show the grandchild that, although they might not be as "cool" as their friends, the love and support grandparents they offer in the important things in life can still be a lot of fun.
So, if you are Hip" or not, take your grandchildren out for a fun day. Going to baseball games, movies, hikes, shopping, camping out, and sightseeing together can be a lot of fun. Certainly your grandchild will find it "cool" when you watch your grandchild's favorite movie together while you both munch happily on a big bag of popcorn.
Grandchildren feel it's "cool" when grandparents honor their grandchild's wishes. For example, when a grandchild says that he needs some space because something like he/she just got "dumped" by their boyfriend or girlfriend. Grandparents should allow their grandchild to work through the hurt alone, yet be there if the grandchild asks for support or advice. That's really being "cool."
What grandchildren need most is love from their family. As a grandparent, just let them know you are there for them to listen or to go out and have a great time. When you show your love and respect your grandchild will know that he/she can trust you. Just by showing love your grandchild will know you are truly "hip" to his/her needs, and "cool," as a person.
A Grandfather Answers: To Be (or Not to Be) "Hip?"
Carlos O’Flaherty
What an odd thing "hipness" is. When I was in my late teens and on I lived in NY in the Village. I stage managed off off Bwy theater, knew Alan Ginsburg (slightly), went to film school and made a few "Z" films and couldn't have been more hip (I pass on W.S. Burroughs extreme lifestyle). Grandchildren aren't impressed by any of this unless your name is Spielberg. Everyone else is riding below their radar.
We as grandparents aren't sterling examples of what should be. Once we were our kids. One of the characteristics of becoming an adult is Post-Adolescent Amnesia. This is when the young adults deny any recollection of having sex or knowing anyone who smoked marijuana.
As grandparents it seems that we forget the divorces, the arrogance, the arguments, the pettiness, the lust for revenge, the extreme behavior that we engaged in. The kids have sort of survived the outright torture and confusion that were visited on them (not necessarily by you or I). It's not really productive to dwell on this too much, a little forgetfulness will serve us well.
We have a different perspective now. The passion and hormones have receded to a dull roar, a little history and perspective have given us a little "wisdom" in maturity. In the background we see are the same unfortunate things happening to the grandkids. Parents do irresponsible things: desert, have live-in companions (who may not have the same interest in the child's welfare as you do), and make lots of mistakes. So you can’t be too hard on the kids even though it seems a size ten shoe would fix a lot of things. After all, this is your genetic investment in the future.
Some of us are pooped and just want a quiet garden in a quiet place. Some of us think kids playing, arguing, crying, learning is the sweetest music in the world and can't get enough. Still others, having their druthers, would druther be in Philadelphia with the W.C. Fields the fat actor with the red nose. But, one kid has split, the other leaves the kids alone and unsupervised because they're still kids themselves or just haven't gotten the brass ring yet.
What ever it is, the kids don’t have supervision, they're running around the neighborhood and it doesn't take a weatherman to see which way that wind is blowing. So, we pull up our stomaches and get ready to fight to protect the kids. They kind of tug at your heart anyway and for a change you have the time to spend with them. Then there are the other grandparents. The morons who boast that their kids never went to college and look how much they make.. It's enough to make my eyes go out of focus, that's what.
Now it's a different game. The other grandparents have their interests to protect. The kids are just "doing their thing" and the grandkids are just pulled and pulled.. For me it sounds like history repeating but now I'm the grandparent.
Fortunately, most of the other kids are doing ok. Bright happy kids with every moment of the day filled with soccer or trumpet or violin lessons. I'm not even sure the kids realize there is trouble to get into. "Free time" is an abstraction: they have heard of it but it has real meaning to them. Their parents find time to make this happen.
A Grandchild's View of How Grandparents Can Help in Divorce.
To learn more about "How Grandparents Can Help in Divorce," we interviewed a number of children of different ages concerning their feelings about the subject. This article offers you a glimpse of how they view their grandparents’ roles, and importance, when their parents divorce. What the children feel and say, can be used as a roadmap for grandparents involved in divorce situations to find their way to take positive action to help and to facilitate healing in family members.
I try to remember that my parents and grandparents will always love me no matter what happens. But it’s a sad tragedy when parents get divorced, especially for us children. We love our parents but our parents don’t love each other anymore. Since I come from both of them what does that mean I am? They don’t want to be with each other. My sister and I are the thing that connects them. If we weren’t living they wouldn’t have to talk to each other anymore. I love my parents, and I know they love me, but I am also mad at them for getting divorced so I make trouble sometimes. But it’s different with my grandparents. They are together and I love them and am important to them. So I am good for them. They are older and I don’t want to hurt them, so I never make trouble for them. I know they care for me and my parents. I feel safe when I am with them and know I can always live with them.
It’s very important for me to be able to talk with my grandparents about my feelings. Also for my grandparents to discuss things with me, especially what is going to happen in the future. When my parents divorced, I became frightened. My grandparents reassured me that the whole world wasn’t falling apart and that I would survive.
If my grandparents criticize my parent who is their own child, it’s O.K. But they shouldn’t criticize my other parent, especially to me, because it makes me upset. I would rather not hear about the differences the grown-ups have. On the other hand, if something terrible is happening I want to be able to call my grandparents for help, but only when it’s serious. For example, I live with my mother. One night she came back late without calling me. So I called my grandparents. They came right over. My mother came too. She said there was a mix-up. She thought my father was going to pick me up. My father thought that he was going to pick me up the next day. If people make mistakes they are supposed to be learned from. My grandparents criticized my parents and it made me more upset. Grandparents should help parents instead of criticizing them. What good does criticizing do?
One thing grandparents can do is to give advice to the kind of person a divorced parent goes out with on a date. Parents don’t realize that children are frightened when their parents are divorced and go out with new people. That new person can be the new stepparent and kids can get scared, especially if they don’t like the new person. And then they have to make believe they like the person or their parent will get upset. And more so if the parent likes the new person a lot.
It’s important to me that my grandparents treat both of my parents the same. This may be hard because one parent may be my grandparent’s child but it makes me upset if my grandparents are against one of my parents.
My grandparents will always love, protect and encourage me. I wish my parents would be together but sometimes things can’t happen the way I want so I have to make the best of it...and being close to my grandparents is part of making the best of it.
From the mouths of babes...
Grandchildren's Forum
A Moving Love Letter to a Grandpa from his granddaughter
.Dr. Charles Hersch sent us the following letter. He wrote about the profound effect this letter had upon him. " It is one of the most touching, beautiful and spiritual things I have ever read, and I strongly believe it should be available to others." The letter is from a 14 year old girl who stayed at her beloved, and terminally ill, grandfather's bedside to the end. Two years later she wrote the following.
"Well, it's been a couple of years since my grandfather passed away. When I think back, I wonder how I even went one year without him. Every time I think of him I feel like going to my room and crying forever and ever until I meet him again.
I don't think I would ever be able to get through this without my "Papa dog." Every time I miss him I start crying and squeezing my dog. This dog was a present that Papa gave me a long time ago when I was a baby. I had the rosary beads that my Papa used in the hospital. I also have an angel pin that my Aunt gave me on his funeral. I think over the years that after someone has lost someone, it doesn't get easier, you just get more used to it and deal with it.
Well, that's what I'm doing and I know he would be proud of me. It's really sad because when I was younger, I felt really ugly and he was the only one that made me feel pretty. I am writing this down so in ten years I can read this and remember how much he meant to me. I never want to forget that, and I don't think I could. When he first died I remember going downstairs and seeing everyone crying. Then they told me and I had the worst feeling inside like someone crushed my heart. I still feel the same way. If I think about it too much it gives me a headache. If I had one wish it would be for me to see him one more time over anything else. I don't care what other wishes there were.
I feel really bad for my Nana. She must be so lonely now. I love her and would do anything for her. When Papa first died I was so depressed. I felt like I lost a part of me. When I really get upset, I say to myself , you know what, you'll see him again. Even he said so. "Debbie, don't worry, I'll see you again."
I feel like crying when I think about that because he told me that right after he found out the news (about his illness). It's weird those were the saddest years of my life but also the happiest because I was with someone I love more than anything."
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