Grandparent University

Lifelong Learning: wisdom, experience and the long view of life.

Grandparents and  Community Programs: Grandparents Day in the Schools; Grandparent Classes.  
Excerpted from "The Grandparent Guide" by Dr Kornhaber.

Grandparent’s presence in the community is indispensable. Following are some programs that you, as a grandparent, can implement on a local level. Thus, you will raise grandparent’s consciousness and rally other grandparents to identify community needs and respond to them. Whether you live on a city street, or in a small town, these programs can bring “Grandparent Power” to bear in your community and benefit all generations. These programs are for you to implement. They involve making grandparents a presence in the schools, and starting a grandparent class in a local community center, school or religious institution.

GRANDPARENTS DAY IN THE SCHOOLS

An exciting way to make a difference and raise grandparent-consciousness in your community is to organize a Grandparent's Day in your local schools.  This special day offers grandparents a chance to strut their stuff, catch a glimpse of their grandchild’s daily life, meet his or her classmates and teachers, and for a grandchild to show off his grandparents to his peers and teachers.

Since the holiday was launched by the Foundation for Grandparenting in the 1970’s, many schools nationwide, and even internationally, have started to celebrate a Grandparent’s Day (or week) in the School. If your grandchild’s school does not have one, why don’t you take the lead and start one?  It is really quite simple and a lot of fun!

What to do

Starting a Grandparents Day in your local schools is easier than you think. That’s because once the idea is announced people are always eager to get involved. Even bureaucrats! Because they are grandparents too! So, if you are apprehensive about dealing with your local school’s bureaucracy, you will be happy to learn that most school administrators are delighted to work together with parents and grandparents to create this event for their school.

Keep in mind that Grandparent's Day in the Schools is a community event. Though the idea may seem intimidating at first, there are many people, with expertise in areas, you do not know about, who will pitch in and help you so that everything goes smoothly. There are many agencies in your community who would be happy to sponsor such an event too.

The first thing to do is spread the word and rally grandparents, parents and grandchildren, as well as local business people, media and community agencies to get involved.    After we disseminated the “how-to” material about the first Grandparent’s Day in the Schools (GDS) in 1975 many other people who replicated this event in their own communities, have refined the way to do it. Here are some suggestions that you can tailor to your own specific situation.

Planning

Form a planning committee consisting of your grandchild, the school principal, teachers, the PTA and assorted community leaders.  Identify a date for the event at least six months in advance so that “long-distance" grandparents have the time to plan and make arrangements to attend. Get a publicity committee together and spread the word! Encourage teachers to discuss the event with the students and take their suggestions for activities and how they can incorporate GDS into their classes. This will get the children’s creative juices flowing and get them excited about GDS well in advance.

Good teachers usually try and weave Grandparent’s Day in the School into the educational process by involving children in special learning projects pertinent to the day, creating "showcase" programs to enact for their grandparents and allowing grandparents to teach and display their skills and talents.  Art shows, plays, even a grandparent-grandchild choir are great ideas for this special event.  Have children volunteer their grandparents to teach classes.  A grandparent who is a physicist can teach a math class, a grandparent from another country can give a geography or language lesson, a grandparent whose also a war veteran can spice up a history lesson with first-hand accounts and personal experiences.

Communication

It is vital that everybody in the school district be excited about their Grandparent’s Day in the School. Get the ball rolling with your grandchild first.  Have your grandchild and her classmate’s partner with you in planning the day.  Have a meeting at your home with the children or visit the classroom. Classmates can then encourage other children to invite their grandparents and ask them to teach, share experiences, tell stories, show off their talents, etc. Have the principal and PTA write to all of the student's families explaining the event and inviting their grandparents to participate.  Furnish everyone with a list of potential activities that that grandparents might want to participate in or prepare for.  Be open to suggestions and feedback.  Remember that your enthusiasm is contagious!

Events

On the eve of Grandparent’s Day, organize a "kick-off" dinner with children, parents, grandparents, teachers and community members.  This can be a catered, sit-down dinner or simply snacks and refreshments with music so that everyone can dance. As an aside, square dancing is a great activity for grandparents and grandchildren to do together. Be sure to invite interesting speakers and/or entertainers to liven up the proceedings and set the mood for GDS.  It is ideal if some of the grandparents provide the entertainment, but lacking that, hiring a small band or a DJ, is an option.   Don’t forget to invite the local press as well.

Opening Program

Begin GDS with a school assembly.  The speaker should give a brief, upbeat, humorous and inspirational talk.  When the assembly has concluded, have children give their grandparents a tour of the school.  It is best to assign a central room where grandparents and grandchildren can congregate during the day.  Following that, the children will have their normal day at school with grandparents attending classes with their grandchildren, including lunch together in the cafeteria.  Have the school day end with an outdoor barbecue, square dance, play or other festive event.

The Day After

The day after GDS have teachers question the children about their experience and ask for their input about making GDS even better next year. Once a school has a Grandparent’s Day in the School it usually turns into an annual event.

When Grandparents Cannot Attend

There are always grandparents who, for one reason another, are unable to attend GDS. The grandchildren of absentee grandparents naturally feel left out when this happens. Therefore find out from teachers which grandparents will not be attending, and assign other grandparents or local elders to act as surrogate grandparents for the grandparent-less children.  Some grandparents who do plan to attend the GDS make it a point to  "adopt" for the day a friend of their grandchild, or another child whose grandparents cannot attend.  Senior centers, as well as community and religious organizations are great sources for older volunteers who might want to act as a surrogate grandparent on GDS.

Following are some step-by-step guidelines for making your Grandparents Day in the Schools a success.

GUIDELINES

·        Get local people excited about Grandparents Day in the Schools.

·        Organize your planning group.

·        Coordinate your activities with the school curriculum.

·        Plan your Grandparent’s Day in the School well in advance so that “long-distance” grandparents can make arrangements to attend.

·        Find out which children’s grandparents cannot attend and arrange for another grandparent or elder to act as their surrogate.

·        Reach out to others for the support and encouragement you need to make this special day everything it can be.

·        Your enthusiasm is contagious.   Spread it around.

CONCLUSION

Grandparent's Day in the Schools is a wonderful opportunity for the young and old to come together and have fun.  It is relatively easy to start a GDS in your local school if you do not already have one and your grandchildren will be especially proud that you are the grandparent who started their Grandparent's Day in the School!

GRANDPARENTS CLASSES

Starting a grandparent class in your community is easy. First, use this book is your text for the course. Next, all you have to do is to spread the word that
you want to start a grandparent class. You can do this using the suggestions above, or by word of mouth in your neighborhood, a newspaper ad, putting posters in stores, telling your friends to spread the word, or by announcing it in your place of worship.
Here are some guidelines for the class.

Class Guidelines

  CONCLUSION

Starting a Grandparent Class in your community will raise grandparent consciousness. Once your class has become informed about the varied aspects of grandparenting it can bring “Grandparent Power” to bear on identifying and solving local conflicts and problems as well as enhancing your community.

Some Questions To Ask Yourself About Grandparenting

From time to time it is important that we look into ourselves ... to examine our roles ... our relationships. This is especially important for grandparents in these fast-changing times. Here are twenty questions for you to ask yourself that will help you to assess how you are doing in your grandparenting role.

Your experience as a grandchild, and a parent, can affect your grandparenting.

Were you close to a grandparent when you grew up?
Were your own parents close to your children?
When you were younger, did you look forward to becoming a grandparent?

Being a grandparent means having a direct relationship with your grandchild. The ingredients of a close grandparent-grandchild bond are one-to-one time together with undivided attention.

How did you feel when your first grandchild was born?
Do you spend time alone with your grandchild?
Do you know what your grandchild expects, and needs, from you?
What are the things you can uniquely teach your grandchild?
Are you part of your grandchild’s daily life?
If you do not live close by do you keep in close touch with your grandchild?

Being a grandparent also means having an indirect relationship to your grandchild by supporting the child’s parents.

Have you talked with parents about what kind of grandparent they would like you to be for their child?
How you can be supportive to them?
Have you told them what kind of grandparent YOU would like to be?
Can you communicate openly and freely with them?
Can you listen to what they say with an open mind?
Are you making an effort to be up to date with parents and grandchildren, being familiar with the world they live in?
Is your advice well received?

There are lots of obstacles that get in the way of being the best grandparent possible; distance, not enough time, being of different generations, different family forms, personality problems, divorce etc.

Can you see yourself as the emotional leader of your family, connecting past and future?
What obstacles are in the way of being the kind of grandparent you want to be?
Can you discuss these issues with the family?
Are you making a personal effort to remedy things that get in the way of you being the best grandparent possible?
Do you ask your loved ones for feedback on how you are doing?

Answering these questions will help you to assess your grandparent role. If changes are necessary, take direct action to remedy the situation. Like every other stage of life, Grandparenthood is about growing, changing, and learning. You can set a wonderful example for your children and grandchildren by doing all three. 

Reference: "Grandparent Power." By Arthur Kornhaber M.D. and Sondra Forsythe. (Crown)

Questions of the Month:
What percentage of grandparents never use child safety seats when transporting young grandchildren?

How do grandchildren of divorce think their grandparents can help best?

Question1:

QUEST FOR SAFETY GRANDPARENTS’ SURVEY FACT SHEET

More than 5 million grandparents in the U.S. serve as primary child care providers for working parents (University of Michigan, 1999).* Child safety seat is defined in the survey as "an infant seat, child safety seat or booster seat."

Child safety seats, properly installed, can reduce the risk of death in motor vehicle collisions by 69 percent for infants and 47 percent for toddlers, according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA).

According to the NHTSA, as many as 80 percent of child safety seats may not be properly installed or used. SafetyBeltSafe U.S.A., the national non-profit organization dedicated to child passenger safety, estimates that as many as 95 percent may be incorrectly used.

For a breakdown of survey results or infograph artwork call 310/444-7000 and reference the Nissan car seat survey.

 

Question 2:

Grandchildren and Divorce

For more information about "How Grandparents Can Help in Divorce," we interviewed a number of children of different ages concerning their feelings about the subject. What the children feel and say can be used as a roadmap for grandparents involved in divorce situations to find their way to take positive action to help and to facilitate healing in family members. 

"I try to remember that my parents and grandparents will always love me no matter what happens. But it’s a sad tragedy when parents get divorced, especially for us children. We love our parents but our parents don’t love each other anymore. Since I come from both of them what does that mean I am? They don’t want to be with each other. My sister and I are the thing that connects them. If we weren’t living they wouldn’t have to talk to each other anymore. I love my parents, and I know they love me, but I am also mad at them for getting divorced so I make trouble sometimes. But it’s different with my grandparents. They are together and I love them and am important to them. So I am good for them. They are older and I don’t want to hurt them, so I never make trouble for them. I know they care for me and my parents. I feel safe when I am with them and know I can always live with them."

"It’s very important for me to be able to talk with my grandparents about my feelings. Also for my grandparents to discuss things with me, especially what is going to happen in the future. When my parents divorced, I became frightened. My grandparents reassured me that the whole world wasn’t falling apart and that I would survive."

"If my grandparents criticize my parent who is their child it’s O.K. But they shouldn’t criticize my other parent, especially to me, because it makes me upset. I would rather not hear about the differences the grown-ups have. On the other hand, if something terrible is happening I want to be able to call my grandparents for help, but only when it’s serious. I live with my mother. One night she came back late without calling me. So I called my grandparents. They came right over. My mother came too. She said there was a mixup. She thought my father was going to pick me up. My father thought that he was going to pick me up the next day. If people make mistakes they are supposed to be learned from. My grandparents criticized my parents and it made me more upset. Grandparents should help parents instead of criticizing them. What good does criticizing do?"

"One thing grandparents can do is to give advice to the kind of person a divorced parent goes out with on a date. Parents don’t realize that children are frightened when their parents are divorced and go out with new people. That new person can be the new stepparent and kids can get scared, especially if they don’t like the new person. And then they have to make believe they like the person or their parent will get upset. And more if the parent likes the new person a lot."

"It’s important that my grandparents treat both of my parents the same. It makes me upset if my grandparents are against one of my parents."

"My grandparents will always love and encourage me. I wish my parents would be together but sometimes things can’t happen the way I want so I have to make the best of it...and being close to my grandparents is part of making the best of it."

 

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Copyright 1998 by The Foundation For Grandparenting
Last revised: 18 May 2008