Discussion Center and Bulletin Board for all family members

Crisis in Chidren's TV.
The Parent's Television Council's recent report notes, "Violence, bullying, name calling, bathroom humor and sexual innuendo/subtext are the over arching themes present in the landscape of contemporary children's television." Click here for more www.parentstv.org.

Grandbaby not sleeping?
You might suggest that  your grandchild's parents log on to www.cdbaby.com/cd/fussbuster to review a new CD called "Grandma's Fussbuster." The CD contains  special sounds (like washing machines, running faucets etc) that some feel have the power to soothe fussy babies. With the knowledge that time heals most baby problems, sleepy parents might be grateful for  your suggestion to check out the site.  

Cybergrandparenting. " AARP Pennsylvania and Generations on Line are reaching out to area
grandparents with a free and innovative program designed to close the gap of the digital
divide for those 50 and older," (from the PR Newswire Association). 

An AARP recent Grandparents Study notes that  of 1,500 grandparents
surveyed, 65 percent never send email to their grandchildren. "Many non-boomer
grandparents simply do not have convenient access to a computer that is Internet ready,"
says Nora Dowd, State Director AARP Pennsylvania. "This program allows AARP to begin
educational outreach in the Philadelphia region to hundreds of grandparents who may have
always wanted to learn how to navigate the Internet, but did not have the proper access or
information," adds Dowd."  If you are interested in learning more on this topic  contact  Angela Foreshaw of AARP Pennsylvania, +1-215-519-4648
Web site: http://www.aarp.org/

Tips for the Adoptive Grandparent
Grandparent Visitation Discussion
Parents and Grandparents Needing Help and Advice

Few things are more completely enjoyable than becoming a grandparent. Grandchildren are one of life’s joys, whether they come by birth or via adoption. All grandchildren are loved equally and are equally lovable.

When a new family member is adopted, share your excitement. Share snapshots. Exclaim about the traits that make this child a prodigy! And know that adoption brings some unique challenges. Following are a few suggestions for navigating once you find you are a member of an adoptive family.

People are fascinated by adoption, and this fascination can lead well-meaning friends and neighbors to pose very personal questions. Remember that a child’s adoption story is akin to a conception story. It is private, and one should consult with the adopted person before sharing the details.

Think about language, and encourage others to do so. As an adult adoptee, I have heard this question all my life: "Have you ever met your real parents?" What this said to me as a child was, "Your adoptive parents are fake." I felt confused. As an adult, I answer, "I was raised by my real parents." It’s a good idea to call the family of origin birth family (as in birth mother) as opposed to natural family (which implies the adoptive family is unnatural or artificial). Many people will have the best of intentions but use terms that confuse or hurt children.

If your family adopted internationally, you have become a member of a transcultural and often transracial complex family. Translated into day-to-day events, this means you might celebrate Chinese New Year in addition to the traditional holidays. Unfortunately, this also means that your grandchild will be confronted by bigotry and will need your support and sensitivity. Your lifetime of experiences will be key in shaping your responses. Be wholly honest.

Remember, throughout, that your grandchildren are connected to you and to the family. They may not look a lot like you or your child, but they will develop similar voice patterns, talents, tastes, and interests. Don’t assume the adopted child will automatically know this—it took me 45 years to figure out that I got, first, my dry sense of humor from my adoptive father, and, second, my ability to ‘stretch and save’ from my grandmother, a North Carolina farmer. Every Carolina reunion I attend reminds me that genetics are not the only way to pass on family traits.

At a recent reunion, I was introduced to my mother’s best childhood friend. They hadn’t seen each other in over 60 years. The friend inspected me closely and stated, "You sure don’t look like a Haney." I smiled back, shook my head, and said, "I sure don’t." I knew what she really wanted to know. But at that moment, I was completely my mother’s daughter.

Grandparent Visitation Discussion

On this page:

Ask questions, request advice, air your opinions about grandparent visitation issues and the laws.  (All submissions will remain anonymous)

Opponents of Grandparent's Rights Speak Out; Grandparents Respond

Parents vs. Grandparents?

"Your organization and the grandparent rights organizations who are affiliated with you all are trying to get the grandparent visitation laws expanded to cover intact families. Grandparents who have adopted their grandchildren, however, are opposed to these laws since they intrude on their parental decision making. Parental rights groups are opposed to these laws for the same reasons that grandparents who adopt their grandchildren oppose them.

"It is a peculiar thing with your organization that having the right to the custody and control of your children, now as a grandparent you want to deprive your children of the same right. You sponsor bills which will give you the right to bring your children into court for the best interest of the child, yet you have not sponsored a bill to allow your children to bring you into court to force you to visit with the grandchildren.

"To convey the idea that all grandparents are good, you lobby for grandparent rights. You ignore the fact that all the parents of today who abuse drugs, their children, and are generally ignorant of the best interest of their children, will some day become grandparents. It is quite a stretch of the imagination to think that these same parents, once they become grandparents, are concerned with the best interest of the child.

"If you keep ignoring the fundamental right of fit parents to custody and control of their children you will destroy for selfish reasons the "rights" that you as parents enjoyed, and you will build a gulf between the older and younger generation of parents who have the duty and responsibility to care for their children.

"Your organization has stated that court enforced visitation is a sentence to healing. I have witnessed it to be a sentence to family destruction, where one of the parents separates because he/she cannot take the stress. To family bankruptcy because of legal bills. If you are really serious about the best interest of the child instead of the best interest of the grandparent, the sponsor a bill that will allow parents to petition the court to force grandparents to visit the child when the grandparents refuse. If you are so enthused about giving grandparents rights, then give them the responsibilities that goes with these rights."

I believe you are misleading your readers:

"You state in your page that several decades ago grandparents were legislated
out of existence. Quiet the contrary. You must know that grandparents rights
has no basis in common law; however, grandparents could petition for
visitation in "special circumstances". Before statutory rights were given
to grandparents, if visitation was awarded, it was a judicial decision based
on special circumstances under the parens patriae power of the state to
protect those who were not able to protect themselves.

"You also state that H.R. 4164 guarantees to grandparents that if they receive
visitation from a court in one state, other states will have to honor that
court decision. Quiet the contrary. Family law is under the jurisdiction
of the state. Simply because an amendment was made to Title 28 United States Code, does
not bind the state. Unless the state amends its interstate child custody
determination law to come into compliance, the amendment is not binding on
the state. In fact, the Indiana Legislature made an attempt to include the
amendments to title 28 in its law, and the Judiciary Committee refused,
stating that the amendment would pose to great a burden on Indiana families.
Do you not think that your readers should be aware of this before they
bankrupt themselves in legal expenses which only benefits attorneys?"

When parents choose to exclude grandparents;

"If there is abuse, death of a parent, or divorce, I can see why a grandparent might have just cause for seeking some visitation with the grandchild. Otherwise, if there is an intact, happy family that has two parents who have CHOSEN not to have their children around that particular grandparent, I believe that decision is final, and should not have a day in court.

"Grandparents are extremely important in the lives of grandchildren, in many instances. Indeed, I was raised by mine while I mother finished college. But the things I have read since starting research of this subject are wrong! There is no reason that Grandparent's Rights should be exercised over a two-parent, intact family that is not abusing their child. In my instance, my mother-in-law is a selfish, manipulative human being who has been that way all her life. She will lie, cheat or whatever she has to do to get her way. 

"She made my husband's life miserable, my husband's ex-wife's life miserable, and since I have met her these are the things she has done to me because what we did didn't suit her: Called me a liar, and accused me of stealing some of her possessions (within the first three weeks of knowing her). Decided that my daughter, who has some nervous habits like biting her nails, has a serious disorder, and when I told her that I had talked to a doctor and they had no belief that it was anything serious, she called a psychiatrist and told them all about her, and then called me to say if I wasn't going to get her any help she would! My daughter has grown out of biting nails and is just fine. (This was within the first two weeks of knowing her). Calls up on a regular basis and announces, "I am giving you 24 hour's notice that I am coming over to your house!" or "I am having a dinner Thursday and you are coming!" or "I want you to come over this weekend and bring your camera because I'm taking pictures to make an old boyfriend jealous!" all without asking us if we have other plans, or even if we are interested in coming over.

"When my family went on vacation, we decided she should not know we were going because she calls chronically, trying to manipulate and know everything we are doing in our lives. We felt that it was really none of her business, and that she should be given the message that we now make our own decisions. When she called and couldn't get an answer she called my grandmother, who told her we left. She went NUTS, and screamed into the phone if I hurt her son she would take me to the highest court in the land!!! As if I had stolen her 35 year old son!!! She then continually called my grandparents all while we were gone trying to get information about where we went and where we were staying.

"When my daughter was born, she called the hospital for DAYS before I even showed up to have the baby, just in case we didn't call her when she wanted!! They already knew my name when I showed up to have my baby, because mother in law had been calling for a week!!

"Someone she knows who works at my daughter's school reports to her how she is doing in school. We live an hour apart, you see. She then gleefully tells me that she has someone watching Holly for her!

"She calls the hospital after I have the baby, and announces to us that if we don't live our lives right God will take our baby from us, and then gets angry when she finds out that we plan to go home earlier than she wants, and I kid you not, threatens to pursue Grandparent's Rights if we don't do things like she wants. This is when our daughter was a DAY old!

"There are a hundred stories of how she has tortured, harassed and demeaned us for the whole time I have known her. She calls my family and gets information by lying to them and playing the "poor old lady" act. She ruins virtually every week of our lives with something that she demands, by playing helpless and demanding that my husband come over, with the children of course, and do what she wants. Now that most of the time we ignore her and flat out avoid her because she is the most horrible person I have ever met, she has decided she will follow through on her threat to get Grandparent's Rights. Do you know what scares me the most? One day when she was watching my oldest girl, Holly, and she decided to bring her back to the apartment early, about 8 PM, she (a 65 year old woman with osteoporosis) fell asleep behind the wheel and almost hit oncoming traffic! My daughter could have been KILLED! And now she thinks she is going to get unsupervised visitation with my youngest daughter? This woman doesn't remember where she puts things and thinks someone stole them, falls asleep behind the wheel, and is so weak I am certain she couldn't even lift my baby who weighs 24 lbs.! But those things don't matter, because she wants what she wants, no matter what the cost. Your push for Grandparent's rights to extend over the wishes of parents could just make her dreams come true. And my nightmares reality.

"So remember that that poor little old grandmother or grandfather who is whining about their rights being more important than how the parents of the child feel about them might be a complete NUT, completely incompetent, or WORSE. Thank GOD that in Ohio I just found out today that my mother-in-law's suit will probably be thrown out of court. I shudder to think what we would have had to go through if they would entertain her whims. I intend to work as hard as I can to prevent Grandparent's Rights from extending over existing, intact families, simply because of what I have learned from all of this. Just because you are a grandparent doesn't mean you are an asset to a child, and it's the PARENT'S RIGHT to decide what is good or bad for that child...not someone who runs to court when they don't get their way!"

More comments

"This letter is in response to all your letters from grandparents who tell a
sad story about not being allowed to visit with their grandchildren. There
is another side to that story..

"Sure everyone hears and sympathizes with the grandparents whose image is a
sweet little old man and woman who want nothing but to play with their
grandchildren but nothing is that simple. There are a lot of nasty,
immoral, controlling old people out there. Grandparent’s visitation is a
privilege not a right. Maybe, this is an awakening call for in-laws to
establish a loving relationship and allow their children to live without
their harassment and control. Whenever there is a grandparent visitation
denial there is a history of meddling overbearing in-laws--never with loving
parents. How about the grandparents that hate their daughter or son-in-law
and have made life miserable for them, who sticks their nose in their
business and want to control their children’s life. My in-laws are like
that. Then my husband passed away and I thought I would finally be rid of
my in-laws. But no, they will not respect my wishes to leave me alone so I
could start a new life. They took me to court to have grandparent’s
visitation. I won, but, they still will not leave me alone. They call,
come to my home, write threatening letters and harass me. I have seen and
heard the side for grandparents all over (TV’s 60 Minutes, the Today Show
and columns like yours) but, never have I heard anyone on the parents view
given the opportunity to tell the other side of the story to the media.

"Consider, if you will, on a personal level, how you would feel if a judge
told you (as a parent) against your wishes that you must turn over your
child to the grandparents and they may without your permission take him out
of state and visit with and have full control, medically and on all
decisions concerning your child during these visitations!!! This happened to
me!!!"

Grandparents Respond!

We are not alone

"Upon reading your articles, I am amazed to find others in the same heartbreaking situation as me. I knew there were others like me, I guess I didn't want to face it. My story is the same as the others. A son at 22 who thinks somewhere along the way I did him harm. paid his way, and went on each time, hoping he will learn his lesson. He has been married twice, both times I found out the hard way. Yet each time I came to terms with it and tried to make the best out of the situation. His first child was a boy, born premature, one and a half pounds, I stayed at the hospital for a month, only leaving long enough to change and eat, the parents were working or busy, including the other Grandparents who only came on weekends. How could I leave this small creature who seemed to know
my voice? He has grown now to about 35 pounds and he soon will be four. I have not seen him in a year and a half. His other Grandmother brought him here for fifteen minutes about six months ago with all kind of promises, now she refuses to talk to me, Once again I ask what did I do now? He came through the door with a huge smile and went straight to the toy room, a child doesn't forget. 

I understand that my son only sees him once a month and that my ex-daughter-in-law has a boyfriend out of town and leaves him with her Mom a lot, once again, why can't I see him? 
Why do our children put us through such misery? I do not call, I do not go to their houses, I pray and wait, every now and then I send a little letter, only telling family events, and as always I say at the bottom, the door is open and that we love you.

No reply, I send cards and presents, not even a thank you, that I don't mind. I read the comments from the parents, and they said allot, yet I did not hear love or forgiveness, only how they feel, I try to put myself in their place , but my heart will not stop beating, I know there is some Grandparents that may make their life miserable, and I ask myself if I am guilty? No I am not, so all Grandparents do not need to be accused.Many times I have called a Lawyer to see if I could get visitation, as always I am told of the  new laws and the expense, of which I do not have, because you see I went out on a limb for my son so many times I am still paying that back, I do not blame my son for this I did it willing. On the day my granddaughter was born I sneaked into the hospital late at night, I held her small body for five minutes, I kissed her check and turned around to see my sons in-laws with hatred on their face, two days later I was in court a warrant was issued for my arrest saying I was violent, a wonderful knowing Judge dismissed this frivolous suit, knowing it was all he could do for me. Since that day at the hospital

I have not seen my granddaughter, she will soon be two, I ask once again, How long will this continue?  Please dear Parents if you read this open your heart, we all are not mean and cruel, even the worst criminal has a heart. supervise our visits, put restrictions on us. We have huge hearts, we still love and want you, but let us see our grandchildren, it is your right to raise your family, but does not the Bible say to ""Honor Thy Mother and Father"" Do we not at lest deserve this?

Thank you for at lest allowing me to vent, one day we may have this all resolved no one is the winner in this situation, yet do we all have to be the loser?

Should Our Grandchildren Be Given The Right To Bring Action Against A Parent Or Parents Who Have Denied Them The Right To A Grandparent Grandchild Relationship?

The relationship between grandparent and grandchild is a special bond,
one that is treasured by both the grandparent and grandchild. When this bond
is severed, it has an emotional impact on both grandparent and grandchild.
Our grandchildren are not pawns to be used in open warfare by a parent,
who out of anger and revenge, makes it their choice to maintain control over
the grandparents by using their children as weapons in a game that they will
never win.

Our grandchildren are not possessions, they are innocent children who
have been placed in an impossible situation and have no say so in what has
been done to them. While they may be children, they are still human beings
who, like adults, have certain rights that are given to them under our
Constitution Of These United States. One of those rights being the God-given
right to the share in a relationship with the family that they are born into.
To lose these rights, simply because they are children, is by no means,
in Their Best Interests. Our grandchildren have been shown by the actions of
their parent or parents, who by their own doing, have taught our
grandchildren that to Love Your Grandparents and to want a Relationship with
them is wrong.

Our grandchildren's loyalties are divided, as they must obey and do what
they are told to do and are never to question the authority of the one's that
brought them into this world until they reach the age of consent, at which
time they will seek the answers to the question that has haunted them in
their younger years. That question being, "Why Were We Kept From Our
Grandparents" who are by now just a vague memory for them.
If our grandchildren learn that they were kept from their Grandparents
out of anger and revenge, they are entitled to bring action against those
that kept them from sharing a Loving and Close Relationship with the
Grandparents that they are just now being given the opportunity to Know and
Love, as this has been their choice, not a choice made for them.
I am a grandmother who is among many of the grandparents who have been
deprived of that Special Relationship between Grandparent and Grandchild. My
husband and I must now wait for the time in the future to be reunited with
the grandchildren who, out of anger and revenge, were taken from us. The author of this communication has given permission to include her e-mail address for anyone who would like to correspond. csharle@aol.com

Section 2: Parents and Grandparents Needing Help and Advice 

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Giving Them  Up For Adoption

Any suggestions for  grandparents who have reached an age (60 and 63, at our next
birthdays) when they are too old to raise a new family? Our twin grandchildren were 2 when they moved in with us and just moved out after their 4th birthday. We  have sought adoptive parents to raise the grandchildren although we will remain involved as grandparents. Anyone else in this situation. Would love to read what you have to say. Also would like to join an already-existing support group for this category. 

Inheriting Grandchildren: What To Do

My daughter and her two children (ages 2 and 4), moved out of her home with  her husband (their father) and into another home immediately, to live with  her new boyfriend and his two children (ages 3 and 5) as his wife had just moved out. Immediately they informed his two children that we were "grandma  and grandpa" their grandma and grandpa. We were really uncomfortable with  this and still are. Ever since, if we do anything special with our two grandchildren, we are made to feel guilty because the other two aren't "as   special" as our two grandchildren. We enjoy doing special things with our two grandchildren as these are the only two we will ever have, and cannot afford to do all these things for all four. We couldn't handle all four on  some of our outings either. We do try to make sure if we buy gifts for our  grandchildren, that we buy equal gifts for his two children as well. We were
not consulted as to whether we were ready to be grandparents to his two  children, we were thrust into it before we even excepted the new  relationship.

My question is whether or not we are obligated to be grandparents to his two children. Also do we owe it to his two to never take our grandchildren anywhere special or do anything special with them, without taking them as well? If this is the case, we will not be able to do special things with our grandchildren, as the burden is too much. Our daughter's relationships end  on a regular basis and this one could as well. What about the new  grandchildren then? They have been together a little over a year and we are  not yet used to the new man in her life, leave alone the new kids. We are  trying our best and doing what we can, but it is not enough according to our  daughter. Where should we stand at this time?

A Parent Needs Advice.

Hi, I would like to ask a question, and get a "grandparents'" point of view.

My daughter is the second grandchild born in my boyfriend's family,
His parents rarely try and see her or make any effort to connect with her.
She is the only granddaughter (she will be 2 in a month). The other grandkids
live further away from the grandparents, yet they visit them all the time. We
are only a 2 hour drive away( the other grandkids live in different states)
and they have been 2 visited 3 times in 2 years.

They only visited us once, just to show off the newest grandson, which is only a year younger than our girl. My question is: Why? Why do the not show our daughter affection, or attention. And when my boyfriend asks them about it (which is rare, they're his parents) they always say they are busy, or they'll come up someday soon, which never happens. It
upsets me so much, We go to see them about once every 2 months and when we are there all they do is talk about the 2 other kids, and then guilt trip us about the fact that we are only staying for a couple hours. Can you help me out? I'm stressed out all the time, I can't stand the feeling that they look at my daughter as not as important. I feel as though I can't talk to them about it. They make sure it is that way.

On a positive note, we do have my  parents, that come to visit once a month.
So my daughter knows them by name and by picture. That is another thing,
I send the "unresponsive" grandparents new pictures, video tapes and little projects
at least bi- monthly, we never miss a holiday, or birthday. I never get thank yous, and
they never say how  nice it is to see her grow up. I just can't stand it! Can you offer any
advice or insight?

 "Should I Leave My Grandchildren?"

My son came home to live with me after he separated from his wife three years ago. Since then my son's wife has brought the children here most every weekend and I am their main caretaker during these visits. My granddaughter is 8 and my grandson is 6. My son was ill when he came home but now seems to be taking advantage of the support I have given him. Because of this situation, I have not had time for a social life since I retired. I feel a need to downsize (move from my house to an apartment), and in so doing I will have to evict my son. I am also thinking that I will have to move out of state to become unavailable, so that these parents will be forced into taking responsibility for their children.

Is there a time when a grandparent has been too much of an island of love and stability? I know that I need to break this caretaking situation for my own emotional health, but then I worry about what effect it will have on the children. I am sure that if I desert this situation, my daughter-in-law will convince the children that I don't love them and will fill their heads with all sorts of untruths (as she has done in the past).

I am wondering if there are other grandparents who have gone through a situation like this. I would like their advice. 

Your Responses

I would like to relate my experience with my grandchildren and their parents, which is similar to yours. My little loves are 5 and 3 respectively and from birth, my son's wife began to leave the babies with me while she "shopped". She would bring the necessary equipment for me to be caregiver, but instead of returning in 2 hours, she would call me at night and ask if it was okay to come by the next day to pick up the baby. So, I put up with this for 2 years, and due to my ill health I decided to leave the state and am now residing in Florida, and they are in NY. I see the children for 1-2 weeks each year when I go to NY to celebrate their birthdays. BUT, in between that I send them cards, I call them and they call me, and occasionally, I will send them a video they might want or books, but nothing that is unnecessary. 

By maintaining the contact with them I am maintaining our relationship. My oldest grandchild will be 6 and she writes beautifully. Recently I received a letter that said "I love you so much grandma that I feel like I could explode". That shows me that distance does not have to break a grandparent's relationship with the grandchildren. When I go to see the children I have plans to do some specific activities, like NY Aquarium, or a petting zoo, the bookstore for them to make purchases, maybe a movie, definitely children friendly activities. Oh, by the way, I am disabled and need to take one of my daughters with me to push me in a wheel chair. So, there are no obstacles in grandparenting, except those we put on them. That of course means that there is cooperation from the children's' parents, and there is.

Good luck in whatever your decision (move or not), and as for your son, mine works about 90 hours a week as a Chef, so he has very little time for me when I come, but we get in several hours of hugging, talking face to face, and whatever else HE needs.

From A Parent:

Here is my perspective, though not that of an experienced grandparent, instead an experience parent. Having been married 15 years to the youngest son of my in-laws family, I found it difficult to fit and to please the parents and older siblings for many years in the early part of our marriage. I came to a point where I wanted nothing to do with the in laws, yet I never discouraged our children from spending time with them. In fact, there were several holidays at home with me, then off to grandmother's house my husband went with our children. Who was missing out?

Part of the reason I felt as I did was due to the fact that although we lived so close, the in-laws didn't seem to have any interest in spending time with our children. Other grandchildren in the area seemed to have all the attention they could ever need or want -- and I don't mean just gifts, but genuine time spent and an interest in their personal lives. The in-laws thought poorly of me for becoming angry at their lack of interest in my children, yet I still suffered the loss of special days with family because I was willing to give this time up with them so that they, together with my husband, could spend time with visiting relatives and enjoy family time.

Although I never spoke poorly of those in-laws, I did have to explain why I wasn't going
along to grandmother's house. When you speak of your son's ex-wife and how she may fill your grandchildren's minds with untruth, I wonder what kind of an impression you give these children of their own mother. It may be very true she has told lies or such, but shouldn't you as a primary caregiver at this point-in-time teach these children to respect their mother. After all, if you don't personally believe she's a good role model for your grandchildren, can't you be the good role model by teaching respect and advising good things rather than tearing down that figure in their world?

I also want to commend you on your commitment to these children and remind you that even though you now feel a need "to move on with your own life" so to say, that if you have taught them respect for yourself and others, they will realize that they are important to you and in your life even if you do move away from your grandchildren in the future.

Parent Question: I don't want my husband's parents to be with my children.

I am a single mother. My husband was killed in a car wreck recently. My husband's parents had not seen their son in over a year prior to his death, and only had seen our children about 3 times in their lives. His parents live nearby. After my husband's death, his parents insisted that they begin to visit with my sons. I was not in the state of mind at this time to start mending the fences. I asked them to respect me and give me time, because under doctor's orders my blood pressure was very high. His parents would not allow me to grieve. They ended up taking me to court for visitation with my children.

My main concern was my children. My little boys had been through so much and being away from me was not something they wanted. Needless to say that they didn't even know who their grandparents were. In the past my husband and I tried to set up many visits. All we asked of them was to please not smoke, drink, and put their large dog away when we were to visit. Their response was it was their home and could do what they wanted. So visits didn't happen. Also, my husband as a child was mentally abused. My husband had requested that the children not to be left alone in the care of his parents because of this. He made several comments of how he didn't want his boys growing up seeing abusive drinking. And these grandparents drink very heavily.

So here I stand being dragged back and forth into the courts. Is this what grandparents call fair? You have raised your children, so allow us to do the same. How would you have felt having someone dictate how you brought you children up? I am a single mother, on social security, and all I want out of life is for my boys to be raised with the utmost respect. But yet I have a court system trying to tell me what is best for my children. I'm the mother here. Would you feel safe allowing your children to go away kicking and screaming for mommy? Because that is what is happening. If these grandparents would have been grandparents from birth, this would not even be an issue, but they were more concerned about their smoking and drinking. I would die for my boys, and I will not sit back and have someone drag them out of my arms kicking and screaming crying for mommy. This is not right. What about their rights? Haven't they lost enough? So this letter goes out for two reasons. The first is helpful advice, and the second is to let you grandparents know just how much you are really hurting the grandchildren you say you love so much.

I understand about the grandparents that had previous contact. It would be cruel to take the child away. But for a grandparent doing this out of their guilt is inhuman.

What are your thoughts, concerns, opinions ...? E-mail us!

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